Charity. NEVER. Faileth.

Dear friends and family,

I belong to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  According to one of the eight Young Women’s values, I promote integrity, the moral courage to make my actions consistent with my knowledge of right and wrong.  I also feel strongly that, in the words of former prophet Gordon B. Hinckley, I am obligated to STAND FOR SOMETHING.  And, finally, I claim the privilege of worshipping Almighty God, according to the dictates of my own conscience, and allow all men the same privilege, let them worship how, where, or what they may (Articles of Faith, 11).

Once in primary my teacher asked each class member’s parents to choose one word that described their son or daughter.  My mom described me as a peacemaker.  At the time, I wondered why she chose peacemaker, and I wasn’t very proud of that quality.  Making peace didn’t seem very admirable to me, a 7 or 8-year-old.  It was ironic that 20+ years later I married someone who has often been labeled a peacemaker as well.  Brian and I are both the 4th out of 6 children in our respective families.  As middle children, one of our roles is to make peace (at least according to social psychology).  In addition, Christ said in Matthew 5:9, “Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God.”  I have referred to myself both critically and affectionately as a chameleon, because I really can see both sides of a story.  I like people.  I appreciate differing perspectives and learning from people who appear to be the opposite of me.  So often, once we actually spend time with a person, we find that we share something significant in common.  I enjoy being friends with people who may not get along, and I see myself as someone who can soften tension.  Diversity adds richness to our relationships and to our experiences.  Divisiveness, on the other hand, can stagnate personal growth.

Brian and I have been accused of playing Switzerland in family quarrels.  By sympathizing with each family member, we disappoint some. Switzerland declares herself neutral towards the belligerents, but she certainly has opinions and strength.  I do too.  While some people enjoy a “healthy” war with words, those types of interactions make Brian and me uncomfortable.  Tension has never felt satisfying to me, even if I win an argument. While being Switzerland may annoy you, and you may label my chameleon-like behavior as a symptom of an underdeveloped sense of self, I like myself this way.  In fact, being a peacemaker has served me well.  It is one of my personality traits that I have learned to value most over time.  I am still learning how to cultivate it, as God would have me do.  

I believe that my character is defined by my ability to stand up for my beliefs, while being respectful towards others and their beliefs.  To me it is important to have a code of ethics by which to gauge our individual behaviors, and a code of kindness by which to recognize that our role is not to judge others.  I don’t tell people that I appreciate their viewpoints simply to pacify them.  I appreciate their opinions because they are human and I respect them.  “If ye are not one, ye are not mine.”  Furthermore, Christ taught, “He that hath the spirit of contention is not of me [saith the Lord], but is of the devil, who is the father of contention, and he stirreth up the hearts of men to contend with anger, one with another.”

I am terribly disappointed with the contentious manner in which some church members, former or current, active or not, are willing to tear each other down in order to build their case and make their opinions known about recent events in the media around the doctrine of the priesthood, the roles of men and women in the church, gender equality, and the process of excommunication.  I imagined that if I stayed quiet about my opinions, I would prevent myself from being a source of contention, and continue my role as peacemaker.  But, I will simply say publicly that I will not engage in petty name-calling, twisting of words to intentionally belittle others, or placing judgment on others to whom I have no right to judge.  I believe that we can have productive discussions, which include disagreeing on fundamental beliefs and ideas that we hold dearly, without a war of words and destructive retaliation.  Elder Russell M. Nelson taught: “…inner peace is driven away by contention.  Contention does not usually begin as strife between countries. More often, it starts with an individual, for we can contend within ourselves over simple matters of right and wrong.  From there, contention can infect neighbors and nations like a spreading sore.  As we dread any disease that undermines the health of the body, so should we deplore contention, which is a corroding canker of the spirit.”  The Relief Society motto, “Charity Never Faileth,” is our guide.  I don’t want to fail my Savior.  He is the ultimate example of charity.  Let us all speak kind words to each other (Hymn #232).  After all, we are all God’s children.

Love,

Jenifer