A little essay for my mommy...

I was making chocolate chip cookies while my mom was here and I could sense that she was restraining herself from helping me. Finally she grabbed the measuring cup 1/2 full of brown sugar, scooped up the rest of the cup, and dumped it in. I had a flash-back to my childhood when she made reference to the fact that she couldn't watch me do it so slowly. Yes, people often talk about how they have to seek therapy because of their parents! ;) I snapped back at my well-meaning helper and said, "Mom, that's why I never learned to do anything by myself! You used to always do that to me growing up." I proceeded to tell her that I didn't even know how to cut a tomato, chop up lettuce, clean a bathroom, and a myriad of other basic tasks because she always wanted them done perfectly, so she didn't let me do it at all. Then I looked up at her, expecting her to shrink in shock at my revealing these true feelings. Instead my mom said, "I know. I didn't let you kids do anything because I wanted it done a certain way." We laughed and I continued to make cookies, my way -- slowly.

Tonight as I was painting my kitchen blue ALL BY MYSELF, I was philosophizing about life and how much my mom has taught me. She may have denied me some of the self-sufficiency that comes when you learn how to accomplish things on your own. But, these skills have come in their own due time. Of more significance are the lessons of character and kindness that she has taught me. She and my step-dad are great examples of people who have endured many trials with a remarkable sense of strength and with a positive outlook. They are both cancer survivors and they have both lost a spouse to cancer. They have cared for aging parents in their home, along with dealt with wayward and wavering children. They give their love and assistance to more people than I'm sure I will ever know. I could write a book about how much my mom has been through in life! I have mentioned before how she rescued me when I was hospitalized for depression. It is her character and strength that I admire and hope to emulate. I would have loved for my mom to teach me how to be a gourmet chef, to be a do-it-yourself quilter and how to have a clean and tidy house. But I would rather know with certainty, as I do, that my mom loves me and would do anything for me. Afterall, by teaching me about love, I can learn (hopefully) how to love Conor and Megan in a similar way.

We drove into Boston to take my mom to the airport on Monday. Conor began to cry in the back seat. Between his sobs, he explained that he would miss Grandma and he didn't know when he'd get to see her again. I started crying too, feeling like I was denying my kids the opportunity to be closer (in proximity) to their grandparents. I also felt a bit guilty for not being able to afford to fly out to NV/UT more frequently so we could nurture these important relationships. Shortly after the crying Conor fell asleep. When I hugged my mom and said goodbye, it was one of the 1st times that I didn't feel like crying for my own sadness to see her go. I was sad for my kids, but I felt like my mom and I have made an eternal bond as friends. She is my mom but she is also a great friend.

Her visit was wonderful. We enjoyed spending our time together, sharing stories, staying up late, and my mom did my dishes all week! She played with Conor and Megan every day. She played with dolls, she wrestled with them (yes, it's true), and she played outside with them. She followed them from our front yard to the back yard, and around the neighborhood. Along with doing my dishes, she gave me pointers about organizing things and how to fix some household items without spending a lot of $$. She gave us compliments about the way we are raising Conor and Megan, which gives me more confidence as a mother. And we picked out fabric for a bedspread that she is going to make for Megan. (We both love fabric, colors, putting things together so she bought several pieces of fabric. After making these purchases, we found the PERFECT fabric so we bought that too!)

Tonight I read a story that we checked out from the library called A Good Day, by Kevin Henkes. It's short so I am going to quote it: (Henkes writes and illustrates his books. Of course the illustrations add a lot to the words below.)

It was a bad day.....

Little yellow bird lost his favorite tail feather.

Little white dog got her leash all tangled up in the fence.

Little orange fox couldn't find his mother.

And little brown squirrel dropped her nut.

But then....

Little brown squirrel found the biggest nut ever.

Little orange fox turned around, and there was his mother.

Little white dog worked herself free and ran in circles through the dandelions.

And little yellow bird forgot about his feather and flew higher than he ever had before.

And there's more....

A little girl spotted a perfect yellow feather, picked it up, tucked it behind her ear, and ran to her mother, shouting,

"Mama! What a good day!"

In summary, the lesson of the bird, dog, fox and squirrel is what my mom has taught me. She has taught me that I can turn bad days into good days with a little luck, persistence, love, and changing my perspective. Overcoming obstacles in life teaches self-reliance, coupled with dependence on God. I can't believe that I just painted my kitchen blue! (My mom made a subtle suggestion to paint the kitchen....) The trim isn't finished, it needs a second coat, but I did it by myself. It's hardly perfect. In fact, I didn't want to do anything to our kitchen because it is in a sad state of affairs. I spend a lot of time in my dreary kitchen. I figured that it wasn't worth investing in if someday I was planning to gut the whole thing. But, it was fun to paint and it feels more cheery in there.

So, I am saying to my Mommy, "Mama! What a good day!"

I love you mom!