summer at our ward campout, I had a conversation with someone about parenting. She mentioned Alfie Kohn and we discussed the possibility of NOT using rewards and punishments with children. Ever since then, I've had a little philosophical debate in the back of my mind about the topic. My initial belief after graduate school was that children are capable of making good choices without being coerced. Having taught in public schools, I became more skeptical. I discovered the reality of how a few children's poor behavior influences the rest of the class (not to mention me). I "gave up" and resorted to using a marble jar and a smiley face chart to illicit good behavior. It worked. But did it really work? Sound familiar?! I am by no means an expert, but Kohn's philosophy about children sits well with me. I am seeing ways that I can improve my relationship with my children. I am also feeling more creative in the ways that I approach discipline. (note: Kohn's theory is not to simply let children run free without limits or expectations. He just disagrees with the idea that punishing or rewarding children teaches them to internalize good morals and feel unconditionally loved by their parents.)Afterall, could YOU punish these little angels.................???
Here they are innocently exploring the world (bikes at the church parking lot & path up to the temple, and at the Museum of Science). We have so much more fun when I am not insisting that they follow my every command. I knew that I was on the wrong parenting path when Conor said to me, "Mom, I'll give you a $10. if you .........." Gee, where did he learn that?!
5 comments:
So behind on blog visiting. I need to add your name to the permission page too, so sorry I'm behind! I'm glad to have you on board. Thanks for reading when you get a chance.
I sure enjoy your blog and your little insights. You always make me think.
I remember, when I was a teacher, being SO proud of my students' loving/team behavior ... then I caught a glimpse of a few of them after school one day, being SUPER rude to their mothers. I was all Wha!?!??!?!? Your dude might have a point. lol.
10$!!! wow jen your kids are expensive. Annacy told me last night that she'd give me 50 cents if I let her stay in the bath longer. Im interested in what you find with your new parenting ideas. In the mean time I am still attached to our gumball machine. Even Simon will pick up toys for gum. love you sis!
Oh Jami, Conor doesn't quite have the concept of how much is a lot of money. He often volunteers his "thousands of nickels" to pay for things. A penny still means a lot to this child! :)
Jami, that last comment was clearly ME, not my hubby. :) Brian preaches that "MONEY IS A TOOL." Ask Kallin.
I'll have to check out that book. It sounds a lot like my favorite parenting book called The Power of Positive Parenting. It's all about using lots of praise to reinforce the good behavior and it's written by a man who had a ton of kids so I think he knows what he's talking about.
But when all else fails, a $10 bribe works for me!
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