Medical Jargon

My fortieth year has brought with it a couple of minor tune-ups.

For starters, I had some spider and varicose veins in my left leg that showed up when I was pregnant with Conor.  They got a bit worse while carrying Megan and had been more troublesome the last 6 months or so.  I was referred to a vein specialist, with little expectations for anything "serious."  As it turns out, my Greater Saphenous vein, at the Saphenofemoral junction (see figure 1), was leaking blood back down into my leg, which causes varicose veins and a heavy uncomfortable feeling, particularly after exercise.  So, they suggested having a "procedure" done.  No surgery.  Just a simple out-patient procedure that would last less than an hour.  Insurance coverage was good and I consented, fully expecting it to be no big deal.  I'm tough.  (I actually said that to the nurse.)  

5 minutes before the procedure was over, I was white as a ghost, in tears, shaking from dehydration, and not dealing very well with the valium and percocet that I took 7 or 8 minutes before they began.  They wrapped my entire leg from ankle to groin in the biggest ace bandage I'd ever seen and told me to return (without showering) in 3 days.  

I dutifully followed my orders and yesterday, after a follow-up ultra sound I got the all clear to take off the ace bandage.  I traded it in for some compression stockings that cost $45. for a pair and resemble what a cute little old lady wears as she is taking a stroll down Mass. Ave. in front of the Assisted Living Community.  

My next set of instructions was to endure the stretching, pinching pain down my thigh, wear the compressing stocking for 2 weeks (except at bedtime) and restrict my exercise to walking.  Now that the worst is over, I expect to have a beautifully attractive left leg to show off this summer as this 40-year-old gal walks down Mass. Ave. waving to the sweet little old ladies wearing their compression stockings.  

I had a small army of assistants who brought me a meal, swept my kids away for fun and games and food, and brought me sweet flowers.  Friends make my 40's bearable.  What other "minor tune-ups" have I had this past year?  I started counting calories.  Enough said.